We found out: the baby is a BOY!
Everything looked good at the 20 week ultrasound, which was performed by the perinatologist. At the start of the appointment, the nurse asked us if we suspected whether the baby is a girl or boy- and honestly we felt 50/50. With baby S, DH and felt very strongly from the moment we found out we were pregnant that he was a boy. Sadly we didn't have confirmation until we lost him, but we just knew it in our hearts. Knowing the sex gives us something more to celebrate and connect to. So far up until this point in the pregnancy we have had quite a bit of stress/worry. Now, despite the ever-present anxiety, I am slowly beginning to accept that this baby might actually be here in July. Both the perinatologist and my obgyn have been sensitive to our history. My ob made a point of expressing that he is confident about this pregnancy and is doing/saying whatever he can to put us at ease.
The appointment included a 4-D view of the baby, so we were able to get a *glimpse* of what he looks like. His nose and cheeks look like DH right now. From what I can tell he looks different than his brother, who resembled me in the nose and eyes.
Now that I am in week 20 I am thinking a lot about this exact time during my first pregnancy... Revisiting what I was doing, what thoughts were going through my mind, the devastating events that unfolded. Although I am celebrating this little one, I am missing baby S so strongly right now- just wishing he were here with us. I have run through the what-ifs endlessly over the past 14 months, slowly trying to be a peace with knowing I will never have the answer.