Thursday, February 11, 2010

I need to vent

First, I am going to preface this blog entry by expressing that I am truly grateful for the fact that I am pregnant right now. I truly am very grateful. Also, I am honestly happy for other people around me when they get pregnant too. I see pregnancy as a true blessing.

But despite the appreciation, I am a somewhat jaded person now. I will admit that. The past few years have worn on me. And I've connected with so many babylost mamas who have had difficult experiences and are still in the midst of them. Life is unfair and I know that. For the most part, I accept that fact. Other times, though, that fact simply frustrates me.

As a result, I get annoyed at times by things that I know should not bother me. For example, sometimes listening to others in their naive bliss...well, just aggravates me.

During the past few years that I was struggling to get pregnant and lost a baby, I've had many friends and coworkers get pregnant and experience seemingly easy pregnancies. I am sincerely happy for them that they do not have to experience the pain that babylost and struggling-to- conceive women go through. I honestly wouldn't wish either of those things on an enemy. But it sometimes makes the struggles that those of us go through feel so unfair when there are constant reminders about how painless and easy it could be.

For example, before I got pregnant the first time and had been trying to conceive for over a year and was undergoing fertility treatments- both my sister and my sister-in-law became pregnant at the same time. Both of them got pregnant on their second cycle and now have toddlers who are the only things both sides of my family have talked about for the past couple of years. I'm now on my third co-worker who got pregnant in about 2 seconds. In the past week and a half two of my best friends have announced their pregnancies- one on the first attempt and the other on the second.

Why is it that people who get pregnant immediately always seem to feel the need to announce how quick and easy it was???

It makes the rest of us feel broken! It's too much information. Really, we just don't need to know.

Also-- 5 of the 7 of the above-referenced women announced their pregnancies the MINUTE they found out. Who does that?? Apparently every one around me. And yet despite the fact that miscarriages are not uncommon in the first trimester, they don't seem to affect the women around around me.

I realize that I sound like an ungrateful brat, and I partially blame this bad mood that I'm in on hormones. haha :) Just kidding. I just needed to get that off my chest and trust this is a safe place to do it, where people understand the mixed emotions that come up at times and don't judge.

I know to let these things go, and eventually do rather quickly. But there are moments, like today when faced with this again, when I am stewing in irritation.

Tomorrow is a new day and I will be over it!


  1. Oh me too. I know that getting angry or irritated about it doesn't solve anything but ARGH, ARGH, ARGH! Sometimes it just makes me want to scream. We can be ungrateful brats together but, personally, I think we are entitled to a bit of bratty behaviour.

    I used to love, love, love pregnancy announcements and birth announcements. The people in my office used to laugh at how excited I got. Not any more. Now I just tend to walk away from those conversations because I can't take it. I want to be happy for them but . . .I just can't. I'm too angry and too bitter just at the moment.

    I don't think people understand how lucky they are sometimes. But then I know that, if I hadn't had a miscarriage and if I hadn't lost my three day old daughter, I wouldn't know how lucky I was either. Because I used to be one of those people. Sigh.

  2. You are certainly not alone on your feelings about this. I'm pretty sure many of us would agree 100%. And there is definitely no safer and better place to express such feelings than here!

  3. I know what you mean. I am still genuinely happy for people when they announce that they're pregnant, but I definitely realize that things that didn't bother me in the past kind of make me do a double-take now. I wouldn't say it makes me angry when people announce their pregnancies early, just that I think to myself, "man, I hope nothing goes wrong. I wonder if she really realizes how common m/c is in the first trimester."

    Hope tomorrow is a better day.

  4. You're right. People def. don't realize how lucky they are. The naive blissful people piss me off too. I wish they didn't, but they do. You are aloud to feel this way!! *hugs*