Last month was month 10 for us ttc for another baby. I know that after 6 months without success over age 35, medical intervention is recommended. So for the past few months I've been back at the RE going through the preliminary steps (work-ups, bloodwork etc). This month is the first that everything is complete in order for us to do an IUI. That made last month the final one of ttc on our own. Although I've been dealing with infertility for over 4 years now, like so many others in similar situations- I've hung on to the hope for a miraculous bfp that we achieve all on our own. What a dream come true that would be- especially if it resulted in birth of a live, healthy baby! Unfortunately that didn't/isn't going to happen. I found myself having to take a little time to myself to finally and completely let go of the possibility that it might.
Other frustrating things that about infertility that don't seem to change are:
- people/friends/co-workers etc. constantly getting pregnant around you at the drop of a hat
- the $$$ that you start shoveling out the minute you pursue fertility treatments
- the fact that the process is all somewhat worrisome, anxiety-producing, and stressful
- people asking when/if i "plan" to have another baby
Having one of my babies in my arms to hold definitely makes me incredibly grateful that I have such a wonderful gift. I just needed to vent that other stuff here in a place where people get it it to get it out of my system (for now ;).
I'm on Day 5 of injectibles and it's looking like we'll trigger and complete the IUI later this week/weekend. I'm trying to stay positive and keep my focus on a positive outcome. However, based on my history of failed attempts and baby loss plus my age 37.5, the reality (and those darn statistics!) creeps into my mind from time to time. One main thing that is different for me this go around is that I have had a moment or two of questioning whether I should being doing fertility treatments again... I mean, I have one child after all and even IUI/injectibles is f'ing expensive. However, we want another baby more than anything and are clear on the path we are willing to take. I just hope and pray that it results in a positive outcome. We would like more than anything to give our son a sibling and add another child to our family. Fingers, toes and everything crossed! :)