Hematologist appointment

Yesterday I met with a hematologist to review my RPL bloodwork results, which came back positive for MTHFR (heterozygous) gene mutation and borderline Protein S Deficiency. I am currently taking the prescribed Folgard (high dose Folic Acid plus vitamins B6 & B12) and Baby Aspirin. Apparently I will be on these for life. Basically I wanted to discuss future treatment if/when pregnant (ie. possible L.ovenox) and talk about these autoimmune disorders in relation to infertility and pregnancy loss.

From what I've gathered talking to two REs, from online research, and from now two hematologists- the medical community does not have clear cut answers about all of this nor a standard protocol about l.ovenox. These issues are not being taken seriously enough. They won't say for certain whether it causes IF or miscarriage... however, a visit to any of the message boards surrounding this topic make it clear that it effects both for many, many people. Either or both of these conditions can wreak havoc on one's body in a number of serious ways. I lost a precious baby boy at 21 weeks because of it. Bottom line was, neither the REs nor Hematologists feel I need to take l.ovenox if pregnant.. however they understand that I may insist on being prescribed it just to be safe. One thing that I did find out about the drug is it is really freaking expensive. Of course, I still need to get pregnant first and that would already cost us a ton of money that we don't have.

I've spent most of the summer feeling pretty down after my last miscarriage. DH and I know we really want another baby, but none of our options are looking very promising... all are very difficult and very expensive. And in the end they don't promise you a baby. I am also starting to feel quite beat down by the cumulative trying/failing/loss etc. I'm one who is a bit prone to depression and anxiety, so I've had some rough days throughout this journey. We've been at this for over 5 years, which is half of our marriage. I have started researching adoption. I know I can love a baby that is not biologically mine and I have always known this. But that path isn't easy either. And in the back of my mind too I know that the time may come soon when I need to accept life as it is and let go of further efforts. For now I am trying to focus on myself and my relationship, which needs some TLC. IF and baby loss take a toll. I'm tired.. but I'm not done trying just yet.