Thank you very much for the kind thoughts that were sent my way and the supportive comments about my miscarriage. I appreciate you blog friends so much! I was really nice to hear from and *meet* some new blogger friends too. Your words of comfort helped!
It's already been a month since our loss- the last 4 weeks feel like a blur. I've had so many emotions and thoughts swirling around within me. Although we knew we had a 30% chance of miscarriage, and things were not looking good for us- it was still such a huge disappointment and I did go through a few days of pretty heavy grieving. Even if you don't mean to, you just get your hopes up! Especially after seeing that heartbeat. Sigh.
I'm one month out and went in for bloodwork today and hopefully my hcg level is finally down. The next couple of months we are basically on hold as I will be waiting for AF, and doing some additional testing. With my now 2 losses (first & second trimester) my RE wants to dig further for any possible underlying issues. Time for another sonohystiogram to check for possible new hidden polyps, and another battery of bloodtests. My case is now being treated as RPL.. by definition it has been 3 consecutive losses, but apparently it's changing at many of the clinics to 2 miscarriages overall. My list of categories has grown: infertility, stillbirth, recurrent pregnancy loss.
Where we will go after the next couple of months remains to be seen. What we do know is that despite it all, we still have a lot of room in our hearts to love another baby and will continue our journey to bring another baby home. Which path we take is the question... we will be gathering information on further treatments and would like to become more educated about adoption. As much as I don't want to look at the option, I also have to keep an open mind that at some point soon, we may reach the point where we have tried as hard as we can within reason. For now, that one's on the back burner. In the meantime, I am looking at the bright side of a break from ttc- a couple of months without the 2 ww, the feeling of failure, the disappointment and grief from loss. And I have to gear up for whatever lies ahead.
Oh, to add to the uncertainty and struggle- I just turned another year older! I'm now 38. Also, there is a very high chance that we will be relocating out of state in the very near future.
I am not alone these days- I've read of many losses recently and my heart goes out to everyone. I am also incredibly happy for all the hard fought pregnancies that are moving along out there!
Hugs to everyone.