Two weeks

I did something this cycle that I have not done before- I tested early.  Despite each 2 ww feeling like an eternity, I never did this over all the months of trying mainly bc/ I figured there was a very likely chance it was again negative-- and if so, waiting to the 2 week mark exactly would bring me a little closer to the next cycle where at least I could try again. However, with this being IUI#3 for this round and us being tapped out financially for further interventions (IVF), I felt an overpowering need to know the outcome asap. So I tested early..and got a clear-as-day BFN.

It was so disappointing to see the result. Things were staring to feel very final. I was very bummed out all day. I eventually started trying to wrap my brain around about what the future might hold... We've been at this for five years, I'm about to turn 38... we've been through a total of seven IUIs/injectibles, one IVF, a devastating late trimester loss. Despite wanting another child, we do have a living child (conceived via IVF) now for whom we are so grateful.  Do we stop here? Do we start looking into adoption and see if there are any options there for us?

Last night when I was giving C a bath, I pulled open a drawer in the bathroom and there was the pregnancy test box staring at me. There was still a test in the box. Should I toss it out? I shut the drawer. Then this morning, when I went to shower I remembered it and figured what the heck... Even though I felt 100% not pregnant and had seen the evidence, I made a spontaneous decision to pee again (since I did test early) just for the heck of it.

Then I showered, dilly dallied around in the kitchen, and finally ended up back in the bathroom when I spotted the stick and  low and behold there was a faint second line. Faint, but there..Yes, two lines... pregnant... PREGNANT!!!

I felt a bit shocked. I know, I know- I was trying... like REALLY trying to conceive. But I had no symptoms whatsoever (I've had early symptoms with baby S and baby C) and I had already accepted that I wasn't based on the early test results which were clearly negative. Wow. I should have known better and followed the nurse's instructions! However, what a very, very, VERY pleasant surprise nonetheless!!!  I went in immediately this morning for the blood test and it has been confirmed. I am happy. Cautious, a bit fearful, yet happy. Still trying to get used to the news. Having moments thinking of everything that can go wrong. But yet- for now I am rated PG.