Friday, December 16, 2011

3 years ago yesterday

Three 3 years ago this week, yesterday, marked the saddest day of my life. As much as I would not like to remember the exact date that we learned the devastating news that we lost our son at 21 weeks in utero, it is burned into the fabric of my being. My body and soul can not forget. This time of year is tough, with the holidays approaching- everything reminds me of our loss and the fact that our son Baby S is not here.

I am so grateful to have his brother Baby C here and all it takes is me looking at him to be so grateful. But my heart is so heavy today. Immensely heavy- it hit me like a ton of bricks today and I found myself weeping.

The grief of a mother or parent leaves such a void. No matter how much joy I have received there is still a sad spot in my heart.

Even though I think of Baby S every day, I rarely allow myself to feel sorry for myself. But today, I am sorry for his loss, sorry for us, sorry for his brother. I know I will pull out of this shortly but the grief weighs heavy right now. My heart is sad for all of the babies who are lost and all of their families.


  1. Big hugs to you as you work through a very difficult day.

  2. You have every right to allow yourself to mourn today. I will never forget the days I lost our angels. It is part of who we are & what would be wrong is if we didn't miss them or recognize the gap that their absence as made in our lives. God bless.