Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Eight and a half weeks to go!

Only eight and a half weeks to go until our due date- I can not even believe it. It seems surreal, but we are very excited!

It has been a few weeks since my last update, so here's the latest...

I've had only had two doc appointments in the last 2 months. This was a change considering until now we've had bi-weekly ultrasounds. Although I missed being able to peek at the baby more frequently, it felt good to be on a schedule similar to a *normal* pregnancy. At 28 weeks, I started kick-charting at the same time each evening (for peace of mind). The little one has been moving around like crazy! Most days when I touch my belly I can feel a part of the baby and have been trying to figure out which body part I am touching. At my doc appointment this week, I learned that what I have been thinking is a head, back or butt is in fact the baby's head. I could see on the screen that baby's face has been filling out in the cheeks :) . He's 3.5 lbs now and at this point is expected to be around 7.5 by full-term. Baby is still breech, but will hopefully turn head down within the next month. I will have an ultrasound in 4 weeks to check the position.

Recently I was thrown a lovely, intimate baby shower. When the topic of a shower first came up a few months back, I dreaded the idea. For one, I am not a person who likes attention. Also, all I care about is bringing home a live baby. Nothing else matters to me. Expecting parents seem to often get carried away with all of the baby "stuff", so I wasn't embracing the whole shower idea. But- when I was ready, I decided it is important that I celebrate this little one with a small group of people who are close to me.

Lately I have spoken with a few other pregnant ladies outside of the blog world who are due around the same time that I am. It is interesting how typical it is to hear complaints about the discomfort of pregnancy and how "so over it" some people are. It is apparent that these women are likely not babyloss mamas or women who struggled with infertility. Of course everyone is entitled to and needs to vent/complain a bit. However, I've noticed that everyone I've met in the blogosphere seems to possess a much greater appreciation for simply being pregnant and has a deep understanding that the sacrifices pale in comparison to the gift of carrying a baby. I want to say to some of these people "seriously, things could be more difficult." But instead I quietly observe.

When I look in the mirror these days I can see that my face is looking more and more content. I can feel my heart getting fuller too. Yet there is that part of me that is always missing Baby S. He should be with us as we get closer to meeting this little one. It kills me each time a stranger asks "is this your first [baby]?" And I feel obliged to say yes. Baby S you are always our first child! We miss you and we love you, Baby S. Perhaps as my heart continues to become fuller, that hole in it will begin to feel less sad.. and more like something that is simply at part of me.


  1. I'm glad that you posted. I knew you were still "around" but wanted to know how you were feeling! This is a lovely post, and I'm glad that you're still feeling good and that the baby is reminding you on a daily basis that he/she is healthy and kicking.

    I feel a little conflicted when a stranger asks me if this is my first (or second, if D happens to be with me) child. I can imagine it's even tougher for you since you were so much further along than I ever got. I think there are some people who it would be appropriate to tell about your previous loss if you're comfortable. Not that I feel it's our responsibility to educate people, but I think there are some people who could truly benefit from having their horizons broadened a bit by realizing that not every baby who is conceived, actually makes it to birth.

    I hope that the joy of your new baby will help to ease some more of the pain of the loss of baby S, though nothing will ever replace baby S.

  2. Yay! I'm so glad you've been able to enjoy normalcy and peace.

  3. You know, there have been a couple of times when I've told strangers that no, this is not our first baby and explain that we lost Baby S. But I quickly felt awkward and eventually emotional because I could tell they were uncomfortable. Perhaps I should do this more and more to get better at it.

  4. Only eight and a half weeks to go! And three and a half pounds. That's such a nice weight! (my old obsession with growth curves refuses leave, a permanent side effect of having a premature baby) I love your description of seeing your little one's head on the ultrasound and his filling out in the cheeks. Made me feel all fuzzy!

    The 'is this your first child?' question is one that really gets me too. Because J isn't my first, she's my second. But if I say she is my second then I get into a discussion of age differences, twins, bewildered searching for the other twin with eyes rolling in the heads of questioner and then I have to tell people that my other twin . . well, she's dead. Then they get uncomfortable, then I end up apologising and saying it's fine. Which is a bit fat lie. I don't know. I wish we could just ask one another CeCe then we could practice what it is we want to say! x

  5. Congratulations on making it this far! Here's hoping the next eight weeks are boringly normal!